Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing
Hello, can you hear me
I’m lucky enough to have three major holidays right in a row: my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’m also lucky enough that my birthday is a few weeks before Thanksgiving so that it’s never been incorporated as part of one of these other two holidays #blessed.
In the spirit of celebrations, it’s always fun when you have someone by your side to celebrate with. And if you don’t have that… then welcome to my life. It’s been a few years now that I haven’t had a significant other to kiss under the mistletoe, but I have had a few people who like to reach out around the holidays. This is where my confusion comes from, and for any guy reading this, PLEASE let me know what the hekk is going on.
In the meantime, I’ll refer to Adele’s new song and all of the penpals who just chekk in to say “Hello! It’s me!”; the only difference between these penpals and her song is that nobody asks me if I’d like to meet…
In short, a penpal is someone (a guy) who consistently texts you to see what’s up / how’s it going / hope you’re having a great week, but never actually makes any plans. It’s almost like they want to reach out to let you know they’re still there, but that they don’t actually want to hang out with you. To that I say: WHAT THE F.
I have a few penpals, and I’d really love to know what the hekk their end goal is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of me, and I appreciate how much effort they put forth by sending me a ‘whats good’ text every so often. But penpals, I would prefer YOU answer me that question. Please tell me ‘whats good’ with these back and forth texts that lead to nothing?
It’s nice getting a “Happy Birthday!!” / “Happy Turkey Day!!” / “Merry Xmas!!” text, but what am I supposed to do with that? My response is typically something along the lines of “Thanks, you too! Let’s get drinks soon to catch up! (beer emoji) ( holiday emoji) (dancing girl emoji).” Then there are a few more texts exchanged, often including more emojis, but no plans are actually made. I like to think of this as a modern day Facebook poke. But let’s be real, no one wants just a poke.
Two past scenarios I’m still wrapping my head around:
Guy 1 – Past flame, current penpal, loves biking. Penpal 1 texts me every once in a while to say Whatup (swoon). When I answered one of these texts back in the fall, I made a comment along the lines of “If you’re going biking this weekend, I’d love to join!” to which he answered “Actually put my bike away for the season.” He legitimately shut me down for not one evening, not one weekend, but shut me down for ever making biking plans for a SEASON. Okay, cool! Nevermind! Bye! Needless to say, no plans have been made.
Guy 2 – Not really a past flame, but we met on a dating app and have hung out a few times, and he loves bowling. He’ll reach out to say “How’s it going? Wknd plans?” To me that sounds like the beginning of a conversation to be initiate a hangout, so I’m thinking that maybe I’ve got myself a date! I responded a few weeks ago with a simple “Nothing much, count me in if you go bowling soon, want to check out your skills.” Smooth, right? I think this is promising. Apparently he doesn’t. “Ha, I’m really not that good.” Oh, cool! Okay! Nevermind! Bye! It seems I’ve struck out, and not in the bowling type of way. No plans have been made.
So what the hekk penpals!? It’s ME!! You keep saying Hello from the other side, and I’m down to meet!