No thanks, Nate

Hinge: what the hekk is going on?

We get it, I’m desperate.  But today, I received an email that made it all too clear.

I got an email from Hinge (a popular dating app) with the subject title “SEE INSIDE: Nathan could be a match!”

Oh, Nathan! Who are you?!

I’m excited for the potential that this email will bring.  Could Nathan be the one? Did Nathan write to Hinge asking to personally reach out to me, to ensure that we would be a match?  All signs to point to yes.

Until I open the email.

The body of the email reads, “[insert name here], you’ve got potential matches waiting to meet you! Ain’t no time like the present… go for it.”

The email also contains Nathan’s picture, blown up in size, staring at me. Waiting for a right swipe.

Unfortunately, there will not be a right swipe for Nate.

Nathan is….not my type. He isn’t smiling. He seems as though he will most definitely be shorter than me (no offense to short people, but I’m a 6’2 and up kind of girl), and the photo is by no means exciting.  He’s not holding a puppy, posing at the top of Machu Picchu, or on a tropical beach with a pina colada.

It’s just Nathan, his probably short self, staring back at me, daring me to swipe.

It’s actually a really creepy picture.  And perhaps Nathan is a nice, genuine guy. But you would never know from the picture I’m looking at.  I’m not going to be mean spirited and post his picture because there’s no reason for that, but just take my word for it.  He’s not the guy I want to meet for a drink.

So here’s my question, where did Nathan come from? Is it a marketing ploy from Hinge to get users onto their app? Or is he a real, single guy in NYC just looking for love?  Which leads to my next question: Is MY picture being blasted around Gmail right now to potential new boyfriends, advising them to swipe right?  Talk about desperation. I don’t need guys getting an email with my full-sized picture showing how GD single I am in their inbox.  It’s pathetic enough that these guys are seeing my picture on Hinge, Bumble, Happn, and Tinder). No need to add another app to the list.

So even though Nathan won’t be getting a swipe from me, maybe there is a guy out there getting my profile emailing him, waiting for a match… Guess I’m getting a boyfriend soon!


3 days later, Monday morning update: Just received an email from Hinge.

Subject title reads: It’s Monday. Meet Nathan.

Maybe Nathan really is the one?



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