Not the Juan for me. Or three of my other friends who all thought that Juan was the Juan for them. Until we compared Tinder messages. And we all thought we were Juan in a million. But we were just Juan out of the many girls of the noche.
I moved to Buenos Aires on Sunday and obviously one of the first things I did was start swiping. We have Tinderball coming up, and I’m only here for a limited time so basically yeah, this is a priority.
Juan of my first matches in BsAs just happened to be none other than… you guessed it. Juan. Juan’s profile contains this in his About Me:
“I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.”
So to be clear, I knew what I was getting myself into by swiping right #doitfortheblog.
Juance we matched, the conversation started with Juan saying “Hey Brat” I was willing to overlook this, thinking that maybe it was a weird Google Translate #fail. Juan asked where I’m living and I told him that he needed to show me some of the fun spots in my new neighborhood to which he responded, “I am the fun spot.” Okay, Juan. I see how it is.
Last night around 10p, Juan asked me to go get a beer with him. And then asked for my address along with a clean STD test as “protocol.” Da F?!
This isn’t how a date works. Never have I ever been asked out on a date and told to bring along my medical records. I told him that he was pretty full of himself for thinking that would go down and the messages received from that point showed just how badly Juan Juanted it.
I don’t even think I’ll do it justice, so please look at not Juan, but a few screenshots below:
When I was getting these outrageous messages, I was obviously sending a few screenshots to my friends to show them and that’s when we found out that Juan was sending similar messages to 3 of the other gals. I thought I was the Juan for Juan, until the other girls sent me their similar screenshots, like the Juan below:
While Juan was sending those messages, he also got an invitation to meet one of the other girls at the bar that she was at with some friends. So not only is he sending these messages, but now he’s actually en route to meet up… full blown operation Juan Tucker Must Die status.
I’m working on getting the full next story updates.. but leaving the cliff hanger here so you come back for juan more read. #juanjokesfordays